California

It was a little too cold, not quite beach weather. We were lying in the sand, and he asked me if I was a mountain or beach person. I snuggled into my sweatshirt, and protested that I couldn't possibly choose. He took my hand and pulled me up. He had a Cheshire Cat smile and teeth that were perfectly straight and a little too white. He smoothed my hair behind my ears, and stroked my flushed cheeks with his thumbs.  He told me I didn't have to pick; that the mountains and the water wait for us, whenever we need them. I grinned, partly because it was a really cheesy thing to say but mostly because he smelled good.

We talked over sushi. Him, going into great detail about his recent series of relationships. Me, interjecting occasionally and pretending to be interested. I had an early morning flight to catch, so we decided to make it an all nighter. Karaoke, followed by coffee and cards. He grabbed me on the sidewalk and swung me around to the music playing in a nearby bar. I contemplated what it would be like to love like this. A series of cross-country boyfriends, stolen moments in my favorite cities, leaving little bits of my heart scattered by the ocean and mountains. Compartmentalizing the things I liked about each one, until I had what felt like something whole.

He dropped me off at the airport and we stood on the curb and hugged. I noticed the lines around his eyes, the ones that had appeared in the 10 years since I had last looked at his face. I immediately thought of my own wrinkles and wondered if he had noticed the same changes in my face. We didn't make any promises to call, and that was okay. I collapsed into my seat and fell asleep before the plane even left the gate. 

It felt good to come home and not worry about what would come next. To not analyze every part of my trip and replay every part of our conversation. To just be with somebody in that moment, and share a little bit of life. 

My feet aren't planted firmly on the ground just yet. And although I don't know exactly what I'm looking for, I'm not sure that I have it in me to be a frequent flyer kind of lover. But for now, I'm enjoying living here, up in the air.