Perspective

I should be more excited about this post. That said, I am really excited about this post. I have lost 15 pounds since starting the Medifast program a couple weeks ago. 15 pounds! I feel good, my energy seems to be up, I'm sleeping well, and not climbing the walls in search of Doritos. I couldn't be more excited. Except that I could be more excited.

I should be more excited because when I stepped on the scale yesterday, I felt a tiny surge of disappointment. Not at the amount of weight I had lost, but what the weight loss means for me in the grand scheme of my overall weight loss dreams. I have a lot of weight to lose. A lot. I can't emphasize it enough. And I know that I this is a small victory for me - to chip off a chunk (pun intended) of a very large number. For that I am grateful, proud of myself, and excited. But it also forces me to look ahead to what I have left.

Part of going on the Medifast plan was to stop all of the counting that I have done on diets in the past. I have counted calories, carbs, fat grams, protein grams, cups, ounces, and teaspoons. I liked Medifast because most of this work is done for me. There is a minimal amount of measuring I have to do, but the plan helps in that I am not obsessing over things like calories and sugar. Some doctor or scientist already figured it all out for me, and now I just have to show up. The counting that I still struggle with is that of how much weight I have lost.

Losing weight as a goal is tricky, because it always involves some form of measurement. There is the measurement of my actual weight, the measurement of my girth in inches, the measurement of how my clothes fit in size, and the measurement of all of this by the inevitable feedback that comes from casual observers. I see the importance in measurement. Motivation is hard to conjure if there is no point of reference, no objective to build upon, no reinforcement to fuel it. Unfortunately, as it relates to weight loss, some kind of measurement is required to keep motivation. I accept this, but I really really really don't like it. Really.

So today, and tomorrow, and the rest of what will probably be forever, I am fighting to find perspective. 15 pounds is awesome, even if all I ever lose for the rest of the my life is this 15 pounds. It means that it's a little easier for me to get up and down stairs. It means that my clothes fit a little better. It means that I'm not exerting as much pressure on my joints as I was two weeks ago. And this is something to be excited for.

One of the challenges I have identified for myself in this endeavor is to celebrate progress, regardless of how small it looks and feels. So I am celebrating this 15 pounds, and all of the 15 pounds to follow. And you know what? 15 pounds feels pretty damn good.