I feel a lot of pressure to write an amazing (uh-mazing) first post. Clearly, I'm off to bad start since I've already inserted a parenthetical statement. Hopefully, it only gets better from here.
I'm not new to blogging, but I am new to being completely transparent in a public format, such as a blog. So here goes. My name is Emily. I'm a 30-ish gal who hails from the midwest, but has settled in the great city of Nashville, Tennessee. There is nothing that remarkable or noteworthy about me. My day-to-day is pretty vanilla: corporate gig, small group of great friends, super awesome boyfriend, and a sweet family who I don't see as much as I'd like. My life is nice, and I have very little to complain about.
Despite such a great life, I have always had a singular nag that has caused the most self-doubt, frustration, and heartache for me: my weight. It hasn't seemed to matter what my lot in life, my weight has always followed me, always been a reminder of the thing I wish I was, but can never be. It has gone from something that at one time was just a social nuisance, to something that could be a health risk. It is probably for the latter reason that I decided to make a change.
My goal with this blog is to chronicle my weight loss journey. I don't have a target number of pounds I want to lose, or a pant size that I want to get into. What I do have is a plan for feeling better about myself, a lot of research on how to get there, and the accountability of this blog to help motivate me.
So...about the title. I used to hate the word skinny. In the interest of full disclosure, I have had a sordid past with my weight, food, scales, you name it. I am recovering from a long-term relationship with an eating disorder. I have tried and failed at no fewer than 15 diet programs. I have thrown out countless scales, only to buy a new one six months later. All along the way, hearing the word skinny woven into my endeavors. How much weight have I lost, because I look so skinny. If I just stay on this treadmill for an extra 40 minutes, I will be skinny. If you don't order ranch dressing with your salad, you will get so skinny.
What has changed in me is not my desire to be skinny. What has changed in me is my definition of what skinny is. After battling with myself for almost 20 years, I know I will never be size-two skinny, Adriana Lima skinny, or spin class six days a week skinny. What skinny means for me is finding a weight, size, and state of mind that is comfortable. I am not there yet. I have tried to be one of those girls who embraces her size and deflects all the naysayers. If I did that, I would be lying to myself. I want to be thinner, yes, but I also want to feel good about climbing the stairs, chasing my nephews, and dancing to my favorite songs. To me, feeling good, being able to maintain activity, and also looking good in the mirror, all equate to my definition of skinny.
I hope you have fun with me while I await skinny. I can't promise that I will be great at staying motivated, or eating healthy all the time, or exercising every day. What I can promise is to be honest about the cool stuff I'm doing and the challenges I'm facing. I'm pretty good at spittin' some truth, so truth is what you shall receive.
Deep breath, dive in. Let's await together.
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