Affirmation

Sitting here, weekend winding down, watching my Tigers struggle to keep their lead against the Red Sox. Feeling good. Feeling grateful.

This weekend was one filled with friends. In spite of all the emptiness and loneliness I feel, I feel equal amounts overwhelmed by the love that has come my way. I am so lucky. So loved.

It's been a month since that day. The day when he told me that he didn't want me in his life any more. The numbness of that conversation has subsided. The loneliness, and the sadness are just starting to blur, but I'm still left with an immense sense of loss. It's through this loss that I have found something even more profound; grace.

I was reminded today that even though I am going through this sad time, I have so much to be happy for, so much to look forward to. So much that I am surrounded by, and so much that I created with hard work.

I imagine where I might be if this had happened a year ago. A year ago today, I was 120 pounds heavier, and I was using food to mourn, celebrate, entertain, and cope. A year ago today, I would laid down on my couch and ordered pizza after pizza until I felt nothing. A year ago today, I would have drown.

I am so lucky that I today I have the ability, and the desire to go for a run. I'm grateful for the cool wind on my face, the steady rhythm of my shoes on the pavement, the thump of my running mix playing in my ears. I'm grateful for the outlet running provides, the clear mindedness I feel afterwards.

I imagine where I might be if this happened 10 years ago, around the time the I moved to Nashville. I was not in a great place with my family, and had no real friends to speak of. I spent most nights alone, most weekends driving around with nothing to do. 10 years ago today, I would have folded in on myself. 10 years ago today, I would have suffered in silence.

I am so lucky that I have an amazing set of friends here. That not only do my friends not mind me leaning on them, but they have encouraged it. That I've been able to bond with my mom, and that my brothers have been sweet and supportive. I am grateful for the advice, encouragement, free dinners and drinks that they have provided. I am so grateful for the care I have received.

I have a loving family. I have supportive friends. I have a job that allows me to go places I want to go and do things I want to do. I have a warm house, a car that runs, and a fully stocked kitchen. My bed is comfortable, my shower warm, my clothes new. I am so lucky.

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”  - Eckhart Tolle