I have Sunday evening blues after coming off a great weekend. Nothing extraordinary, but there is something about crisp fall days that make the world seem a little brighter and little more clear.
I conquered a big hurdle today: going to the movies alone. Movies had kind of been "our thing," while we were dating. Before he left for Seattle, we used to go every Saturday to a matinee. We'd usually see the latest and greatest release and I would sit in the dark next to him, just happy to be sharing something. After he left, we still saw movies at the same time, and I always looked forward to reviewing the movie with him when we talked. Movies have always been an escape for me, so it bugged me that I was having trouble enjoying one since our breakup.
I've only seen a couple movies since our breakup, and they've all been with groups of people. I made plans several weekends in a row to go see a matinee, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. I had brunch with a friend today, and left feeling so good that I decided to go to the next showing of Gravity. I felt such relief in burrowing down in seat, just enjoying the anonymity of being alone in the dark. Despite being a seemingly small hurdle, it felt really big do this. On my own. Just me.
A friend sent me this article earlier in the week. I know Thought Catalog isn't considered to be the philosopher's favorite, but I thought it was insightful while still being cheeky. I also considered what advice I would give someone going through what I am experiencing. I am over a month out of this relationship, and feel like I am right where I am supposed to be. So here it is, my very own thought catalog of getting over it suggestions.
1. Don't try to rush the healing process. Breaking-up with some one is experiencing a loss, even though that person is still alive. It's normal to feel sad, angry, helpless, and lonely. It's normal to want him or her to call. It's normal to feel relief, or blame, or regret. Allow yourself to feel these feelings without judgement.
2. No contact. A couple weeks after the five minute breakup conversation we had, I communicated with my ex out of what I felt was necessity. I needed to close the chapter, even if he wasn't willing to give me the answers I needed. After that, I cut off all contact. I turned off my social media pages, blocked him from Twitter, email, and chat. I deleted his contact information from my phone so I wouldn't be tempted to text him. It sucks, but it sucks a lot less than knowing what he's up to, seeing him with the woman he kissed, watching him live his life without me. Once I feel a bit stronger, I think I'll be able to access social media without feeling the need to look him up.
3. Journal. I know writing about feelings sounds totally cliche. Maybe it is. But I do think there is something to be said about sharing feelings with a totally unbiased thing. While I do blog here, I keep a journal that is much more intimate and is where I work out my feelings of grief.
4. Talk about it. I am guilty of holding feelings in, repressing bad thoughts. I know not everyone has a great support system, but do what you can to find an outlet for your pain. I see a therapist, and I have also found great support from friends and family. There are even a lot of great online resources if you don't have a great support system. What I have found is that I don't have to carry this alone, and supportive friends and family usually have great advice and insight.
5. Get away. When my ex ended things with me, it was just a few days before I was supposed to visit him on the west coast. I knew that staying at home during that time would likely bring me down, so I visited some friends on the east coast instead. I know it's not always possible to plan a vacation, but even a night away can help clear the mind.
6. Dance, sing, and act silly. Seriously. It's going to feel weird to do these things when you don't feel like being happy. I remember that first week, I couldn't listen to any music or watch anything on TV. The sound grated my nerves, I didn't want to be cheered up. I had taken a trip with some friends the following weekend, and we were driving along the beach when a really stupid pop song came on the radio. I turned up the radio, opened the sun roof, and we all sang our lungs out. It felt forced, sure, but I couldn't help but feel sunnier afterwards.
7. Exercise. If you already have an exercise program in place, great. If not, try getting in some movement every day. I cannot express how much this has helped me. Exercise is an outlet for the pent up anxiety I have coursing through my veins. It allows me to channel my anger and sadness in a physical way. It also helps me sleep, which is something that I still haven't been able to regulate since we broke up.
8. Cultivate a new hobby. I found that it was important to me to have something of my own, something that was part of my new life without him. I signed-up for an online Spanish class, and now I spend my Tuesday nights learning and speaking Spanish. Not only am I enjoying a new hobby, I'm also learning something that can help me in the long run.
Look, I'm no expert at this. Days like today, I feel great. I feel certain that I will be okay, that I will move on, and that I am building the skills I need to find a mate that treats me the way I deserve to be treated. Other days, I just want to stay in bed and lose myself in my grief. I do know that the scale is tipping, and that good days are becoming more the norm for me. Let's hope the trend continues.
I don't understand
Why do I stress the man
When there's so many bigger things at hand
We could've never had it all
We had to hit a wall
So this inevitable withdrawal
Even if I start wanting you
A perspective pushes true
I'll be some other man's woman soon
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