Your Boyfriend's Birthday

I received an email reminder today, with the subject line titled, "Your Boyfriend's Birthday." It was reminding me that I had made reservations for his birthday, coming up in a few weeks. I had forgotten about the plans I had put in place, the special evening I was looking forward to sharing with him.

As I canceled our plans, it dawned on me that this would be his first birthday in seven years that we weren't celebrating. Over the last six years, I had spent every October mulling over ideas for gifts and special birthday surprises. I genuinely enjoyed cooking his birthday dinner, making travel plans, and wrapping his gift in anticipation.

We had created years and years worth of traditions around holidays, birthdays, even vacations to our favorite places. I know this year will be challenging; each milestone without him a reminder of what I thought we were going to share for a long time. What I try to remind myself of, is that this is a unique opportunity for me to create new memories that have nothing to do with him. That I can have other exciting experiences to associate with these times of the year.

I spent the majority of this weekend with friends, doing activities typically outside of my comfort zone. I'm normally nervous to meet new groups of people, but I went in with the intent to give a friendly smile and warm conversation to every person I met. And I had a great time. I made some new friends, met lots of new people, and even had a long, flirtatious conversation with an old schoolmate of my friend's husband. It confirmed for me that eventually I will be ready to get to know someone new. It also reminded me how nice it is to get a warm hug from yummy-smelling man.

This weekend also reinforced my desire to create new memories for special dates coming up over the next year. I'm really looking forward to traveling to new places, making new friends, and creating new traditions.

Today, I feel hopeful. And that is a great feeling.

I've been afraid of changing
Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older, too.